Letting go of a great love

The things we remember.

April 7, 2007

I was 21, living my best life. I was going to a bar opening downtown. An acquaintance in my friend group was dating a guy who managed trendy night clubs. We would spend the evening in the VIP section, drinking signature drinks on the house, made with the new Absolut Pear vodka.

I was more of a bonfire socialite, but I dressed in all black hoping to fit in with a chic crowd. I met our group at the mansion a friend had recently inherited. Our cab driver showed up shortly after. 

I remember being crammed in the back seat. The cab driver made a joke about my buddy’s name, shaking a giant box of Mike and Ikes.

I don’t remember if I had fun at the club. I probably spent a majority of the evening smoking cigarettes outside with one of two friends I was pursuing at the time. I mostly remember that I never had the desire to drink that pear vodka again.

After the club, I convinced my host to strip down to his skivvies with me and do 2 hours worth of dishes that had piled up in his bachelor pad kitchen. He had been going through a hard time.

I woke up fully clothed on the living room couch buried under about 13 winter coats. It was Easter Sunday. I was late. I drove a couple miles south to my Aunt’s house. My brother and cousin were sprawled on the couch. The three of us spent two hours sending nonsensical texts to a girl in her science class. 

I remember the white wristband from the club was still on my wrist and it must have been obvious I hadn’t been home to shower. My parents hardly spoke to me and they left the event shortly after brunch. I awkwardly slunk out at that point as well.

I phoned a friend who was spending the holiday all alone. I went home and showered and he picked me up to go to a movie. We procrastinated in the movie theater parking lot and decided to get a newspaper to browse movie times before we completely abandoned the idea. As soon as I got the paper, I habitually opened to the classified section. My buddy and I casually looked over the puppies for sale as I gushed about my lifelong dream to get a Yorkie.

We spotted a listing for a mutt and my buddy convinced me to call the number. An older woman answered and, despite it being a holiday, she invited us to take a look. We drove an hour to her farm and passed stacks of animal cages on the way to her front door. 

When I saw him, he was a fluffy brown ball in the bottom of a cardboard box. My friend held him first. I don’t remember first holding him, but I remember observing his adorableness as he interacted with the other people in the room. He was perfect.

“How firm are you on $350?”


April 12, 2020

I was 34, living the dream. I had an adorable son, with a little girl on the way. I had a great job, a supportive husband, and a beautiful home in my favorite city in the world. 

I appreciated everything I had, including my two sweet dogs. The little one, Bentley, had been with me all through my twenties and well into my thirties: through moves, breakups, hangovers, layoffs, depressions, and eventually finding my way. 


Family photo, currently 1 week pregnant with baby #2

He never minded a selfish act or a misjudgement of character. Bentley didn’t complain it had been too long between groomings or that we were behind on his shots. He was perfectly accommodating for all my flaws as a pet owner.

But things had turned sour at some point. We had to confine Bentley to the first floor, the designated dog area of the house. He was no longer allowed on the furniture, a major shift from the 10 years he spent sleeping with me in bed and cuddling on my lap on the couch. He didn’t have a good view of the outdoors, but spent the entire day and most of the night barking at random sounds from outside the house. He snapped at any visitors or family members who disturbed him. I had actually forgotten who my puppy had been, until our last day together.

We planned Bentley’s final rest for Easter Sunday. In the morning, we gave him his favorite most obnoxious toys to play with. I cuddled him, telling him how important he was. I thanked him for always being exactly what I needed and for being my family for thirteen long years. He knew something was wrong and hid in the pantry until it was time to leave the house.


Our dogs, playing on Easter Sunday, 2020

I promised myself to stay strong. Bentley always knew something was wrong when I cried. He would climb up to lick the tears off my face. I held my composure, secure in my decision.

Clinic staff greeted us at the car and escorted me to the check-in area. This was during a global pandemic, with a social distancing ordinance in place, so I went into the clinic alone, leaving my family in the car. I struggled on a disposable mask and gloves while Bentley studied the lobby nervously. 

I played with him in our room until the technician brought him away to get him set up to receive an injection. I dried an escaping tear before he came back in the room; he was a tiny statue on a plush blanket.

He looked so tranquil and well behaved in the vet’s arms. I was so proud of the good dog he had become. I was so lucky to have this perfect friend-roommate-baby. The vet explained the process to me in a gentle and concerned tone. “I’m sorry, but my mask just will not stay on.”

I hadn’t noticed, but her nostrils were completely exposed. The mask elastic drooped from her ears, flopping as she shook her head in a defeated way. I don’t know why the whole scenario made me laugh so hard. I was laughing alone and before I knew it, about 35 tears streamed down my face. I regained my composure for Bentley’s sake.

I held him awkwardly and spoke to him with a shaky voice, telling him I loved him and that everything was going to be good again. I can’t remember if I was able to say everything I wanted. There is no way that is even possible in such a short time. When I left, I knew what I had done could never be undone. I knew I had lost a treasure. 

All the feelings of comfort and love he brought me over the years came flooding back. Letting him lick my mouth, carrying him around in the crook of my arm for stretches of hours. How my heart filled with warmth when he ran to me after we had been apart. The most raw, unwavering love I had ever felt and never known existed until I had a human child.


Countless memories with Bentley

I received a card from the vet today, expressing their condolences. I almost felt sorry for myself, but it’s hard to feel anything but guilt and regret for the decision I made. I wonder if that will change one day. I don’t feel like I deserve relief from this sadness because I chose this for my family.

The house is quiet now and we are all sad a part of our family is missing. The last remaining piece of my life from before everything finally became good is now just a memory. And now, Bentley only lives in my collection of demented, fragmented memories where I will cuddle him forever.


My sweet Bentley, in recent years


Life after Writing Class

Hey You,

I finished WRIT 4662W Writing with Digital Technologies, so I will be posting new ideas prompted from my day to day life going forward. I am in a period of transition and I hope to channel some reflection into this blog.

  • Develop my ideas
  • Help people in a similar mindset
  • Better understand where I’ve been and where I’m going

I am nearing the end of my final semester at the University. I am working on campus and my two courses are project based. Let me know if you are interested in my projects or how I am searching for THE BIG CAREER.

I have been planning a new healthy lifestyle while my boyfriend plans to buy a house. I’ve been reflecting today about how we’ve both changed so much since we met in 2013. Instead of feeling disappointed or overwhelmed, I am feeling very grateful for the happy things I have in my life today.

In my Technical Writing & Communication studies, I’ve learned that content and design are interrelated in technical and web writing. Even though I had to learn this concept in Visual Rhetoric, Web Development, Writing with Digital Technologies, Science Writing for Popular Audiences, and Writing on Issues in Science and Technology; I learned this concept long ago: In poetry, where user experience and look & feel  were always first considered.

I believe the moments before something amazing happens, you usually have no idea that it’s coming. I wrote this poem to remind myself that marvelous things will happen, and to remember the best year[-to-date] of my life.

Comment below and let me know what you’d like to read about for my future posts!

How to use basic web building to make information beautiful

How I used HTML to improve my blog posts on WordPress

Hello friends!

Thank you for checking on my site. Today I want to share a couple examples of my recent experiments with my blogs. We’ve been learning about basic HTML coding for web writing and my assignment is to use code-writing to adjust some of my web content.

Luckily, I’ve been revising my blogs this entire time.

Unfortunately, I hadn’t been documenting the changes.

Fortunately, WordPress is prepared to help someone as indecisive as myself, and there are ways to see every single edit and version made since creation of a blog post.

I want to show you a couple examples of the changes I made to two of my blogs. I added a header, added typeface color, floated a media image, added a margin to that image, and adjusted the dimensions of a photo to correct the stretched faces. Take a look!

Before- PLN

First Draft- Awkward image/text positioning with crowding

The first version shows the PLN media image first thing in the post. Immediately, without a space, the text begins at the bottom of the image.

What you cannot see from the picture, is that the photo is not linked to the media file, so if a reader clicked on the image, a small image of the PLN (The same size displayed) is the largest viewable option.

After- PLN

Current Version After Code-Edits: margin, border and padding, also float next to text

I changed the blog post a couple days after a lecture from Professor Joe Moses taught my class how to code a couple tricks with images.

Professor Moses taught us the difference between padding and margins and how to float an image next to the text. He also showed how to add color. I got a little help to code this revision from a great resource: www.w3schools.com.

The best part about this website is that there are embedded sample boxes that you can practice and view the changes as you change the code.

My next example is for my visual analysis for CRS. For this, the changes may be subtle to some. This was actually my first attempt to change the font color, and I changed it simply by coding the word “maroon”, eerily intuitive!

CRS- Before

Before width/height correction, before header established

I also noticed I hadn’t made this vital information searchable via search engines because it was not being recognized as a header. I changed it to h1, and I was able to go through the rest of the blog to format the other headings to the “strong” formatting previously assigned to the now header.

How the code changed from version to version.Code- CRS

After- CRS

Current Version- Adjusted Header/Photo

During class, Professor Moses cringed at the sight of my distorted photographs. He advised me to forgo the lecture on floating and fix the dimensions. It was actually kind of funny he was so disturbed by something I made a conscious choice to overlook.

As soon as I had some spare time, I fixed the dimensions by guess and check, comparing my distorted images to the BuzzFeed website where I retrieved them.

I hope my story inspires you to take a little extra time and make your information more beautiful!

How to use an infographic to make information beautiful

How to Create an Infographic

Blog 5

Today’s blog post is my choice. I chose to create an infographic. This was inspired by my classmate, Colin’s blog. Although, I feel slightly embarrassed my graphics and content aren’t quite as professional as his. This serves as good practice for my infographic Visual Rhetoric assignment I have coming up.

This infograph was created using Piktochart. It was easy to learn this software and there are lots of examples of layouts you can either pay for or use for ideas to create your own template (my choice). The tool is so intuitive, I didn’t troubleshoot a single tutorial or use the help features. There were lots of graphics to choose from (far more than template options) and lots of customize-ability. The concept of blocks, used by this tool, is a good concept to grasp for web design; I would recommend this tool to any person interested in learning to create professional-looking graphics or infographs. I can imagine this tool can be used for a number of projects in addition to infographs.

I have actually tried to recruit lost undergrads into the S&TC program. I have to remind myself that, for them, it may not be love at first sight like it was for me. I wholeheartedly love learning about human factors and usability, rhetoric, semiotics, semantics, writing theory, and writing using digital technologies. Sometimes I think I was missing something in my life before acknowledging my passion for information architecture. It’s also rewarding to encounter achievable tasks and accessible ideas outside my knowledge base/comfort zone. I am very thankful for the opportunity to become a professional in a field I respect and enjoy to this extent. It’s also fun to see others as excited as myself, hence the nerd reference…

How to avoid Facebook Philanthropy: “Liking Isn’t Helping” Campaign

“Liking isn’t Helping” A Visual Rhetorical Analysis

Crisis Relief Singapore (CRS), a Christian disaster relief organization, launched the “Liking isn’t Helping” campaign to recruit humanitarian support and reduce human suffering and poverty. The Christian disaster relief organization partnered with a French advertising company to create the series of altered , black and white photographs. “Liking isn’t helping” flooded various digital mediums—popular news, discussion forums and social media networks. The images persuade the audience to change their perspectives on “Facebook philanthropy”.

This visual argument (Blair 26) unfolds into logical propositions supported by a number of rhetorical devices such as William’s proximity; Phillip’s juxtaposition; and Ehses & Lupton’s Antithesis, Synecdoche, hyperbole, and amplification. Photographs shown retrieved from BuzzFeed.

Title: “EARTHQUAKE” Ad agency: Publicis, Singapore.

Title: “EARTHQUAKE” Ad agency: Publicis, Singapor

Audience Analysis

The audience for this campaign is anyone with access to social media or popular new feeds, interested in environmental issues, helping those in poverty, and more or less seeing a world outside their own lives. The primary and secondary audiences are important, equally for different reasons. At least for this campaign, persuasion of the secondary audience will net the most monetary benefits to the campaign. Primary audiences receive the ads in a context (Arola 22) where humanitarian views already exist; and when they share the ads in social networks, the life-changing effects of the campaign occur. The new [secondary] audience sees an available means to adopt a more humanitarian sense.

The secondary audience is theoretically more widespread (And intended?) than the primary (Arola 23) audience. The campaign was published in online philanthropic communities and typically members in those communities already take time out of their lives to educate themselves on crises around the world. They may already, and financially, help those less fortunate suffering in poverty. The primary audience will agree with the statement “Liking isn’t helping” because their donations, volunteering, activism, etc., far outweigh the “faux ‘do-gooders’’” contributions. Sometimes a faux do-gooder may see error in their ways.

Arguments like this have an obvious claim, but the visual argument can only speculate the goals of this organization. For me, it’s difficult to tell if this campaign is intended to make those currently contributing feel superior, or to guilt people [who’s only contributions are virtual] to become actual contributing philanthropists.

Title: “FLOOD” Ad agency: Publicis, Singapore.

Title: “FLOOD” Ad agency: Publicis, Singapor



The strongest claims in these photographs are proximity and antithesis, elements of the rhetorical device, juxtaposition. To create this, the creators found the saddest images of poverty (innocent children in danger or hurt) and surrounded them with thumbs up. Although these images of thumbs and suffering are not visually connected, they are intellectually connected (Williams 21) through the claim of proximity. The two images together create a proposition that utilizes logos (Ehses & Lupton 14) to connect the symbolism of the thumbs up to people using social mediums such as Facebook to share non-contributing humanitarian and philanthropic attitudes.

For example, a Facebook user will share an image to indicate a philanthropic cause to collect likes and feel rewarded by that act. This image is visual support to a claim that proposes an outcome resembling a philanthropic cause but is actually not helping those in need. Those rewarding feeling a Facebook user receives (when sharing a philanthropic idea, or liking another’s superficial humanitarianism) proposes humanitarianism, but on false claims and is not genuinely helpful to the cause.

The ad campaign uses proximity to juxtapose (Phillips 114) two elements that should not be connected (Williams 21), using antithesis (Ehses & Lupton 16) as the assertion function (Blair 26) for the claim “liking isn’t helping”. The visuals alone carry expressive meaning—sadness with suffering, liking with thumbs up—but the juxtaposition expresses the claim (26) beyond obvious, singular expressions, and this is what constitutes a proposition for an argument.

Title: “WAR” — mother and dying child. Ad agency: Publicis, Singapore.

Title: “WAR” — mother and dying child. Ad agency: Publicis, Singapor

Rhetorical Figures


Proximity and Antithesis provide claims for propositions on a macro-level, but they require symbolism as reasoning on the micro-level. Symbolism in the form of synecdoche deepen these photographs when a part of an idea represents the whole idea (Ehses & Lupton 16). This rhetorical device is used in two ways. The suffering children in all three photographs are meant to represent the innocent people who are suffering and need help from those in better living conditions with the funds to donate. The boy with his mouth open (picture 1), the baby missing a limb (picture 2) and the little girl wading through flood conditions (picture 3) are symbols for people that need and deserve help.

The thumbs are also synecdoche tropes (Ehses & Lupton 16) signifying the lazy, leisurely, cheerful, uninvolved faux do-gooders, who see ways to help and talk about helping without actually contributing. The thumbs are Photo-shopped into the photograph to signify the ever-so-familiar symbol on Facebook used to “like” or agree. The argument for this campaign builds strength using the proposition: these thumbs are useless to the sad-faced child in need of a helping hand. As mentioned with antithesis, disconnected acknowledgement from privileged media-users is more ironic than humanitarian.


One final trope is employed to visually support the proposition built on juxtaposition. Ehses & Lupton’s would be proud to see the usage of amplification and hyperbole in the imagery of these photographs. The devastation is exaggerated (not unrealistically, but vividly) to enhance the poverty and suffering by the faces and bodies in all three photographs. The thumbs up are equally exaggerated, not a single version of the thumbs up can be disputed as another symbol.

The rhetorical effect of the hands is amplified by repetition and the repeating elements expand the effect of the thumb-up image. The numerous amounts of thumbs up also indicate the many hands of a widespread audience on social media; and that no one is helping those in desperate need. Instead of one thumb up icon, as shown in real-time face book, which an individual sees on a daily basis, it is proposed that many, many people access information about these crisis and do nothing but perpetuate the leisurely pleasures in their own lives.


Arola, Sheppard, & Ball. Writer/Designer: A Guide to Making Multimodal Projects. ISBN-10: 1457600455

Blair, A. (1996). The Possibility and actuality of visual arguments. Argumentation and Advocacy  33 (1) 23-39.

Ehses, H., Lupton, E. (1996). Rhetorical handbook: An illustrated manual for graphic designers. Halifax, N.S: Nova Scotia College of Art and Design, Design Division.

Phillips, B., McQueen, E. Beyond visual metaphor: A new typology of visual rhetoric in advertising. Marketing Theory 3 (113). DOI: 10.1177/1470593104044089

Williams, The Non-Desiger’s Design Book. ISBN-10: 0961392169

How to Maintain Organization with Diigo

Hello Friends,

I have been staying very busy these recent weeks, plowing through this second-to-last semester at the U!

Luckily, I am not in it alone. No I haven’t made any friends, but I have found the solution to all my desktop clutter and floating bookmarks. Have you heard of Diigo? It is a simple and free application available to download. Compatible with Windows and Mac,  it’s so versatile—I also downloaded free toolbar extensions for Mozilla Firefox and Google Chrome. Take a look at my tutorial for some “ums,” (okay… many ummms) and my favorite aspects of this organizer tool. Also, invite me to your network when you join!

Introduction to my Blog

I chose this blog because I purchased the ideaobrien.com domain a little over a year ago. I had the idea for the site address and blog title, and decided to create this blog as a place holder. I chose WordPress originally because there were lots of tutorials on Lynda.com and I also found lot of trouble-shooting support in various forums via simple Google searches. Around the time I created this blog, I also created my eportfolio.

The design for my original idea has changed a bit to come to this outer space theme. I began with a hippie, floral design which eventually disgusted me. I could not decide between this theme option, or the pink and purple theme option, and settled on this one due to the Mac reference in the theme description. (I do not understand the appeal, but it seems as though the apple-craze is common)

I wanted to spruce up the font color, but decided against it for readability purposes. I was able to, however, add a header (photo under site name). I spent lots of time searching for the perfect image, but I could not find an image that captured outer space, writing, rhetoric, direction (like a road-map), blue prints (like architecture), and digital-looking neon designs. I hope to create an image of my own, especially since I’m not sure the picture I have here is legal. (http://www.wallconvert.com/wallpapers/funny/stormtrooper-giving-directions-in-the-desert-14670.html)